Saturday, January 26, 2013

Rampant thoughts (part 1)

So I've had a lot of thoughts running through my mind lately & I just thought I'd get some of them out. One is this: I have a lot of friends that grew up on farms or ranches. These men & women are wonderful people and you can tell they grew up well taken care of & with hard work instilled in them. I actually went to high school in a "farming community" and most of my classmates were farm children. They were those that got up early in the mornings, did their chores on the farm, got ready for school, went to school, and after school, if they weren't in some kind of group, sports, or activity (i.e.-FBLA, FFA, student government, etc), they would go home, do some more chores, have a good family dinner, study/do homework and do it all over again the next day. They were very hard working individuals and honestly, I envied them sometimes. I did not grow up on a farm or ranch, and even though I was in 4-H and FBLA, I didn't have the same kind of childhood as they did. They worked very hard for what they wanted and were rewarded for their efforts. Most of them had their first jobs by the time they were 16 (or earlier), worked most days after school/sports practice and were able to pay for their own cars & whatnot. I, on the other hand, spent my days after school at home, doing my homework & then my regular chores (laundry, cleaning bathroom, sweeping/washing floors, etc) & then you'd find me either in my room with a good book or sitting in a recliner watching TV. If I was lucky, I'd be at a friends' home or my boyfriends' home, but still not doing much. I wanted to get a job, but was told by my parents that I didn't need a job or a car (as you could walk anywhere in town in about 10 minutes). I was so jealous when I'd see my classmates showing up in their cars at school or showing off something they'd just recently purchased (clothing, jewelry, etc) and I'd silently curse my parents for not allowing me to get a job. Oh sure, I got paid weekly for my chores, but it was probably only about $20 if I was lucky (if I'd been smart, I would've saved up my money instead of spending it on stupid stuff).

But, I'm digressing. As I was saying, my friends (then & now) that grew up on farms or ranches are quite hardworking people and I kind of envy their tenacity. I wonder if I had grown up like them, would I be different as the adult I now am? A lot of them have their own homes and families. They have worked extremely hard for what they now have, and I am proud of them, but I also feel a bit envious. Now, don't get me wrong. I do have a good work ethic & work as hard as I can for what I have now, but I have to wonder if I could've possibly had more? If I'd grown up on a farm/ranch would I be used to getting up early in the morning & going full fledged from the moment I awake to the moment I go to sleep? Would I be a farmer/rancher today, or would I have married one? Would I have my own home somewhere with a few acres surrounding it, with horses, cattle, pigs, etc running around? Would I have had a few little munchkins by now? What would my life had been like had I grown up a country girl, instead of a "townie?" Now, don't get me wrong. I love my family & my husband. I couldn't imagine not having him around. But, I wish some things were different. At the age I am (33), I'm completely over-ready for an actual house of our own (not something we rent/lease) with a nice big backyard for Panzer to run around in & any other mutt we may get. I like the apartment we are in right now, but I can't decorate it how I want, and I'm honestly tired of my neighbors. I'm tired of the doors slamming, people running up & down stairs when they don't need too, & freaking music being blared until 2am (but I guess that's what you get when you live around teenagers or people in their early 20's). I'm ready to have a steady career (CNA work is still going ok, but getting very tiring) instead of just a paycheck, and I'm ready to have a baby (or 2) of my own. I'm just plain ready to be that woman I thought I'd be by now, and I have to wonder if I'd grown up differently, would I be there already? Oh well. Guess I'll never know. Guess I'll just keep on forging ahead & hopefully my dreams will all come true one day soon...


1 comment:

  1. It's NEVER too late to be who you want to be hun. All it takes is that first step. The path is hard, but damn will it be worth it. If you want something bad enough, you'll find you have the strength to get yourself there :)

    Love you girl.