I never believed in miracles...

I've always believed in fate, but never miracles...at least, I could say that up to about 3 weeks ago. Then, something wonderful happened that changed my mind forever.

You see, back when I was 3 years old, I was adopted into a wonderful, loving family. However, I didn't know I had been adopted until I was about 13 years old-that's when my mother told me that my younger brother & I. It definitely explained a lot (like why I didn't look anything like my older brother & sister), but I didn't think too much about it, as I was in a safe, happy, loving home. However, when I was 19 years old, I found out something else. I had another sibling out there. A sister, actually. That was when things started to turn around in my head. Don't get me wrong, I still loved my adoptive family IMMENSLY, but I began to wonder about things. What was my sister like, what she sounded like, what she looked like, etc. I also began to wonder about my birth parents and what happened with them. I guess I could've asked my Mom about it, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings & make her think I was unhappy. So, for the next 10 years, I just silently wondered & ached to find my birth family. Yes, life went on. I met my husband, got married, etc etc etc. One day, in 2010, something just made me go to a website called Adoption.com and put a profile up on the site. I thought "What the hell? What could it hurt?" Well, sadly, it hurt me. Because for the next 2 years, NOTHING. I didn't get any kind of response. I did eventually forget that I had even put a profile up on that website, and went on my life. Then, about 3 weeks ago, while I was on my lunch break at work, I checked my phone and saw that I had a voicemail. So, I went ahead and played it. What I heard on that message changed my life forever...

The voicemail was from a girl named Jessica (not my friend Jessica. LOL). She said that she had seen my profile on adoption.com and wanted to speak with me. She said that she had sent me an email in response to my profile & hoped that I would get back to her soon. Well, of course it was around 9:00pm at that time, and I couldn't call her back that late. I didn't even really think anything of the voicemail until a few minutes AFTER I had hung up the phone. Then it hit me. HOLY CRAP!! Could that have been my SISTER's voice I just heard!? Oh let me tell you, I could NOT wait to get home & check my email. I would've checked it on my phone, if it hadn't been for the fact my supper break was over, and I had to get back to work. Of course, the rest of the night, I had "was that my sister?" running through my head. Even my co-workers noticed I was a little more quiet than normal & I told them that I may have just heard my sister's voice for the first time in my life (at least what life I could remember). Then of course, I had to tell them the story of how I came to be with my adoptive family, which I actually didn't know a whole lot about, just that there was something to do with possible drug/alcohol abuse (which I came to find out later wasn't true). Anyway, once I got home that night, and after playing the voicemail for my husband, I immediately hopped online & checked my email account. Sadly though, I did not have an email in my Inbox from Jessica OR adoption.com. Of course that completely burst my bubble, and I thought, well maybe it was a joke or something. I don't know why I thought that-I think my brain was trying to come up with some kind of explanation since I had my hopes set so high. So, after coming down from that high, I went on with my nightly ritual of hopping on Facebook & doing some stuff on there. I got off of Facebook around 2am, and was about to get offline, when something told me to check my Junk box in my email. I log back into my email & go check the junk mail box, and what do I find there? OMG, it's the email I've been looking for!!!!! I was soooo happy to see it, but was shaking like a leaf when I moved it to my Inbox & opened it up. Sure enough, this email from Jessica was what I had been waiting for. She told me so much stuff about myself (that I never told anyone) and she told me my birth parents' names that I had to believe her. Of course, I was still in shock & awe, that I pulled my husband OUT OF BED at 2am to come read this email & tell me I wasn't dreaming. LOL! After getting his assurance that it was all real, I wrote Jessica back. Of course, that first email was mainly a rambling email, as I didn't quite know what to say to her. So about 2:30-2:45am, I finish up my reply email & hit send. Now it's in her hands.

It took a week before I heard ANYTHING, and let me tell you, that was one of the LONGEST weeks of my life! I actually ended up having to call & leave her a voicemail before I got any kind of reply from her, which came in the form of a phone call :) It turns out she had been busy with work & school, and hadn't been online to check her mail, that's why I hadn't heard from her. I ended up talking to Jessica for FIVE (5) hours that day. I learned that not only do I have her for a sister, and my younger brother, but I also have 2 older brothers! :) When I heard that, I actually began to cry a little bit. I don't know why. Probably the shock of it all, or just knowing that I had more siblings out there...I don't know...wait, yes I do. I was just happy. Plain and simple. I was finally PURELY happy. She also began to tell me more about my birth parents, and sadly, I learned that my birth father passed away from a heart attack when I was about 13 years old, BUT my birth mother was still alive & doing okay. She is also still living in Alaska, so that's awesome (if y'all knew me, you'd understand why I love Alaska so much). I also learned that the reason I was put into foster care wasn't because of drugs & alcohol, but a bad bad divorce that my parents were going through, and CPS felt that I'd be safer out of the house. I also learned that my baby brother wasn't put into the same foster family as me-he had been with a different family in the beginning, but when he was about 6 months old, that family moved away, so he was moved into my foster family's home with me, and let me tell you, I'm so happy he was. Just knowing that we could've possibly been separated from each other for our ENTIRE lives, is not something I think I could've handled. It's bad enough that I haven't seen him in person since he graduated high school, and that was almost 12 years ago (yeah, I'm bad about getting to visit family). Besides, we have that brother-sister-love-hate relationship, so um, yeah. LOL.

Anyway, after talking with my sister that day, my life hasn't changed TOO much. Just that I told my Mom that my birth sister had contacted me & that I wanted to have a relationship with her, and that I still loved her & my family like crazy, and she totally understood. :) I've also started talking to my little brother again. I just hate that it took our biological sister finding us for him to come to the realization that we are family. Oh well. Whatever works, huh? LOL. I have also had a couple of email conversations with my birth mother, and came to find out from her, that we were put into foster care, because of her severe post partum depression (which hadn't been diagnosed at that time) & that CPS didn't feel like she could take care of us, and that she was basically "bullied" into giving up her parental rights to us. I felt so bad when I heard that, but I assured her that I have NEVER held it against her that we were taken out of the home, because I had a good childhood & a good education, and was well taken care of. She was really happy to hear that. I plan on calling her on the phone when she gets settled into her new apartment later this month, so hopefully that conversation will go as well as the emails have :) I also still talk to/text my sister about every other day, and hopefully one day we will meet in person...oh, did I mention she lives in Miami, Florida? Yup, right near Southbeach even! Hehe! :) I've also gotten old pictures of us when we were growing up (the families had been keeping in touch until I was about 9 years old & my mom got remarried), and I finally have a couple of baby pictures of myself, and I must admit, I was a cute ass baby! LOL! I think I may even post that picture with this blog! :) I'm just so so so happy that I'm finally learning about my birth family & my heritage, and I am happy that I have been able to share this with you all. Hopefully as the time goes on, I'll have even more that I can share! :)

Well, it is getting late, and this entry is pretty long already, so I think I'm going to end this here & go lay in the bed & listen to the rain that just showed up a little bit ago! :) I hope this blog entry finds you all well, and I'll post again soon. Until next time, take care & stay safe!

Later gators! :)

Baby me! :)

*Jolene*