New beginnings...

New beginnings is the title of this entry, and it definitely is for us! We finally did it. We have moved! After almost two years in that old place, we are now in our new place. :) I'm so flippin' happy! We moved into our new apartment on Thursday, the 15th. It only took us 3 hours to get everything loaded, driven to the new place, & unloaded...thanks to the help of two friends of one of Travis' other friends. It was awesome to be done so quickly! I was just so happy to get out of that mobile home park (or as a friends' husband calls it "tornado target") & into our new place! We have a one bedroom apartment in the city, right smack dab in the middle of everything. And I love it! The location of the apartment is awesome. I am only about 10 minutes away from work (I guess that could be bad, too, huh? LOL), and only about 10-15 minutes away from all the fun stuff to do in town....well, at least along one of the major streets in town that is. LOL! Seriously though, there is a Barnes & Noble just across the street from me! OMG, I am in HEAVEN w/ that! Hehe! :) My hubby is in heaven, what with all the restaurants surrounding us, even though I told him that we need to stop eating out so much.....yeah, like that's gonna happen now! Haha! Seriously though, my husband and I are so happy to be where we are. He's even closer to where his friends live, so that makes it even better for him. Plus, we don't feel like we live in the boonies any more. I'm just excited to have a new (nice) place to decorate! Ah yes, I love decorating. Hmm, maybe I should've gone into Interior Design instead of Nursing? Nah.......I don't think I could decorate for others. Just myself. LOL! Back to the subject. This one bedroom apartment is actually huge, compared to others that we've seen, so we have TONS of wall space to work with. Which means photos, photos, photos galore! :) We even have our own "private" entrance. I put that in parenthesis because you walk in our front door & have to walk up a flight of stairs to get to our living room. LOL! The walls around the staircase though are going to be plastered w/ photos though, so it's nice to have that! My husband has actually already started to put stuff up on the walls, so I need to get my shiz together & start coming up w/ ideas! :)

It is also finally beginning to feel like Fall! The leaves have begun changing colors & falling off the trees, the weather has officially cooled down (seriously, it was like 50 degrees the last 2 days!), and the state fair is in full swing! I absolutely LOVE Fall. It is one of my favorite seasons during the year. I love the colors, the smells, the holidays, the sports (hello FOOTBALL!), and the fashions! I mean seriously, can it get any better than jeans & hoodies!? I absolutely love throwing on my favorite pair of jeans & my Nebraska hoodie when I go out about on the town or to visit friends. I also love being able to sit in my home, with the windows/doors wide open, letting the cool air flow its way into my home. Especially since that cuts down on the electric bill, which makes my hubby happy! ;) As a matter of fact, I'm sitting in my living room right now, w/ my sliding glass door open (screen shut) letting the cool air flow in. I just wish there was a little more of a breeze than there is. Oh well, I guess you can't get everything you wish for. Hehe!

Well, I think that's all I have to post for right now! I'm going to go and finish watching the rest of my football game (GO HUSKERS!), but I will post again soon! I hope y'all are doing well & enjoy the Fall weather!! :) Take care & stay safe!!

Later gators,

*Jolene*

A Lot On My Mind

The title of this blog says it all. I have a lot on my mind & I just don't know where to start. Everything is starting to get jumbled up in my brain & I'm starting to get depressed again. And not just a little depressed, a LOT depressed. To the point where I don't even want to get out of bed. But, I have to because I have to go to work, so we can afford the move in 12 days...and even that is starting to look like a challenge. My last paycheck was about $200 less than we were expecting, so now we will probably have to drop off part of the furniture package we have on hold for the move, and will probably eat Ramen noodles for 2 months. I'm just so frustrated & upset. I want to punch something. I want to break something. I want someone to hurt as much as I am right now (physically & mentally) that I am picking fights with my husband just so I can scream at him, in hopes that it makes me feel better. Yeah, I'm a great wife aren't I? (said sarcastically) I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm rolling downhill w/o anything to stop me from hitting that rocky bottom at the end. That's the part that just makes me want to curl up under the covers and never show my face again. I hate this. I really do.

I also hate the fact that I'm feeling jealous of some of my friends. College has started back up for the year, and some of my best friends are back hitting the books again, moving further along their paths to their futures, which are definitely looking bright for them. I am happy for them (really, I am), but I wish I could be doing that too. Yeah, I managed to get a start on my "career" but it looks like I may be stuck where I work for quite a while, as I can't afford to take the next step (LPN class) to further it along. Even if I was able to get a grant or loan or something like that, it wouldn't be enough for me to be able to take this class. Plus, I can't afford to take the time off of work to take this class, so yeah, I'm in a lose-lose situation right now. God, I'm going to be 32 years old this year, and I'm just starting my journey toward becoming a nurse!? What the hell was I thinking!? I can't do this. I'm going to be like these ladies I work with, and be a freaking CNA for 20 years. I definitely don't think I can do that. Hell, my body is already telling me that this is something it can't/doesn't want to handle...and if I can't handle this, how can I handle being a nurse? I really messed up with this career choice, didn't I? I feel like such a failure. Here I am, going to be 32 years old in just a couple months, and I have nothing but a CNA license to show for it? Hell, I don't even have kids yet & probably won't be able to for another couple of years, because, yeah, you guessed it, we can't afford it right now. I know, I know. No one can really "afford" to have kids & if you tell yourself you'll have them when you can afford to, you'll never have kids. Well you know what, if it was meant to happen, it would've happened already. I might as well give up that dream too. Hell, I might as well just give up on all my dreams and face reality. Which is, I'm not going anywhere for quite a while, so I might as well get used to it. I guess the only thing I have to look forward to is this move to a new place, and even that is beginning to weigh heavily on my thoughts..........